She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
