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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
