I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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