Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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