evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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