I want to stick my p in your. b.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
