So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
