He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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