I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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