she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
