it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
