I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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