Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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