hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
