today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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