I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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