I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
