ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
