Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Someone signed my nipple.
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