It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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