you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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