he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
