nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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