so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
