i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
