guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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