we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
love makes seman taste better
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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