Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
