I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
