DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
