names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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