Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Fuck appropriateness.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
