i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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