Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
