my phone needs a breathalizer
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
