Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
