I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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