Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
