At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
