Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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