i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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