Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
