My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
