I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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