The maid of honor just puked.
She is in my trunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
