No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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