Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
