My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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