Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
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Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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