I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
