ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
