if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
