So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
