omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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