my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Randomize
