Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
