you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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