Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
