I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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