did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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