So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can I color on your dick again?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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