Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He better not be in your backpack
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
