too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
