Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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