mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
