eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
