I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
