too bad you live with your parents still
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
