you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
look no pants
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
