I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
