would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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