It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
