Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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