i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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