he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
