you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
