look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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