Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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