Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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