the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
