i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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