Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
