Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
