I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dick very happy bro
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
