Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
