I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
