We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
